Look inward and listen

     It amazes me that I have gotten this far in life, sometimes!  The one thing I have come to realize is, I don't really know anything!  And, when I just get something figured out; everything changes!!!
Rewind 4 years and 52 lbs ago.  I was always tired, out of shape, had heart palpitations and anxiety that required medication.  Clearly my life was out of control.  So over the next, nearly, two years I took the time to get to know myself and my triggers and practice ways to overcome my compulsive nature to overdo everything.

     Finally, my goal is reached and I realize that I am actually living the lifestyle that will keep me at this weight...as long as I continue to practice it every day!  As I looked back on my journey, it became apparent, the many things that sent my life sideways.  I am now employed by weight watchers and literally preaching that which I have learned, one of which is to listen to my body and its signals.
I also preach that we, as a society, spend way more time trusting "Them" (those who tell us what THEY think THEY know is best for US) and less time trusting ourselves.  And I beg my members to spend more time looking inward than outward.  (If you are a member in my meetings, you regularly see me miming quotation  marks when I use the word "They". )

     So, then why is it, that two years AFTER hitting goal, and living this life and maintaining it, do I find myself dealing with digestive issues???  Truth is, I have had them for far longer than diagnosed.  "GERD" (Gastroesophogeal Reflux Disease) was my diagnosis, and I am still unraveling this fine web of symptoms that are part of this lovely ailment.  

But, I'm confused....I eat well.  All my blood levels are fine...and I'm NOT overweight.  Yet, here I am!  I feel a bit cheated.  So, what's up?

     I decided to see an accupuncturist BEFORE I get hit with the tube down my throat.  (I don't want to take out a fly with a shotgun unless the fly is just that resistant.)

     So in my meeting with the "Dr.".  I am told that I have a host of allergies, or intolerances.  And as we disect this intricate weave, I realize that many of my allergies are MOST of the things that I eat! 
His mode of treatment is to deal with one allergy at a time.  He treats me, then tells me to refrain from the offending foods for 48 hours, after which I can start to re-introduce, but MONITOR myself, and see how my body reacts to these foods.  My reaction should be improved, though not necessarily cured!
I am putting my trust into this man, because he not only helped my husband get rid of some of his medications; he also assisted him in losing 20lbs.  So, I dare say, I'll take a chance here.
It has been an eye-opening experience, because in our 'research', I have found a number of items to be a problem.  Spices, wheat or gluten (not sure which yet), and the primary food group I live on......DAIRY!!!  (Shoot me now, I say.)  I was greatly assisted by dairy in my 52lb weight loss.  Non-fat dairy fills my fridge.  Yet it's actually disrupting my digestive system.  What a bummer.

     What I realized in these treatments, is I can look back and actually SEE in my history, where these foods have caused me grief.  It's like my eyes are opening up further than I thought they could!  I realized, sadly, that all that I have been preaching to my members, ("Look Inward") is something I have been neglecting myself.  Yet at the same time, I am so excited to see that though I thought I was quiet enough in my mind to know the difference...I can actually get quieter and go deeper than I thought.  With Practice!!!

     I also realized that, though I have been eating a well balanced diet, I still overdo.  And I can start to reduce, ever so slightly, while listening to my body and its responses more. 

     It's amazing to me how much we 'check out' of ourselves on a daily basis.  It's just more convenient to ignore, because to give ACTUAL ATTENTION takes effort and time that we convince ourselves that we don't have. 
     With the advent of computers, iphones, and even cars where we can roll up the windows and ignore the homeless, we have been provided with tools that actually allow us to ignore all external sources.  Lucky us.  We are learning to practice ignorance on a higher level every day.

     Well, I for one, am thankful for the reminder to turn it all back inward, take a look at myself, and realize that I am worth the time and effort.  Because if I don't take care of myself; how will I ever take care of anyone else!!!

A YEAR?????!!!!!?!??!?!?

Okay, Ca-RAZY that I haven't written here in a year.  Clearly, blogging regularly isn't my thing.  But I'm working on it, so stay tuned! 

I'm coming up on my 2 year celebration of being AT GOAL.  That is a very exciting piece of information for me, because for the first time (probably EVER), I am able to wear the SAME SIZE JEANS for two years in a ROW!!!!!   Just unbelievable to me.  In my history, I cannot recall that happening.  Usually, I would buy a pair of jeans, wear them, and then when they would get the least bit uncomfortable, I would start "avoiding" them.  Because, in my mind, I just KNEWWWWWWW......their life in my world had passed.  Only I did not want to confront it, so I let them sit inside my drawer until I was ready to face the music.  So, as I pull out the "same old" pair of jeans, I put  them on with a smile, knowing, that, not only did I achieve (what I felt was ) the impossible.....I have now officially MAINTAINED!!!

So, yes, I am celebrating ME!  And, why not?  I still talk to myself in my head like a bit of a loon.  I still struggle over good vs. bad choices, and I still want the whole carton of ice cream, yet I am contented (eventually), with a smaller portion.  I have really learned to put this program into play!
So....what's the secret, you ask???   NEVER GIVING UP!!!!! 
I am not complacent in my mind.  I am on guard.  I monitor, I choose, and I work out as damage control.  Thank God I have the tools from Weight Watchers to keep me on track!!!  I question myself less and manage more.  It's a great balance, and I am thankful for what Weight Watchers has given me.
My biggest weakness is still cookies (that I bake) and carbs and sweets.  But, I have learned to pick and choose what is actually worth taking the hit for. 

I wish I could impress on people that weight loss isn't an overnight thing.  It's truly an every day thing that we have to learn to manage.  I can't believe fad diets are still around.  But I guess as long as 'they' have to sell magazines; this is what I'm up against.  It makes my job hard, because everyone wants it all NOWWWWWW (like Varuca Salt in Willy Wonka). 

I sometimes I wonder if, gone are the days of hard work and true appreciation??  Alas, no!  There are those out there, who are slowly getting it.  Appreciating every pound they lose and every step they took to get there.  And as long as Weight Watchers will let me, I will be there to help people and let them vent their frustrations to me, because I know exactly how they feel.  It took me almost 2 years to lose 52lbs.  That's about .4/week. 
It IS possible.  You CAN do it.  Just do a little every day towards your GOAL, and eventually, as long as you apply the principles, you will get there!!
I'm here to be a cheerleader....or a therapist.  Whatever you need!